Gioachino Rossini: Razlika med redakcijama

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== Življenje in delo ==
'''SHREK'''
Rossini se je rodil v glasbi naklonjeni družini, njegov oče je bil mestni [[hornist]] in [[trobentač]], sicer pa javni izklicevalec mestne hiše. Mati je bila [[pevec|pevka]] pri popotni skupini. Že kot otrok je z zaslužkom, ki ga je prejel s petjem v cerkvenem [[pevski zbor|zboru]], prispeval v družinski proračun. Najprej je študiral v Lugu in nato v [[Bologna|Bologni]] pri [[opat]]u Mattei. Leta 1806 se je vpisal na ''Liceo musicale'' v Bologni. Star deset let se je učil tudi čembalo. Sicer pa je v Bologni hodil na tečaj kontrapunkta, violončela in klavirja. Leta 1806 so ga sprejeli tudi na ''Accademio filharmonico''.
 
Written by
Z osemnajstimi leti je v [[Benetke|Benetkah]] izvedel svojo prvo opero buffo - ''La Cambiale di matrimonio'', ki je občinstvu takoj ugajala. V naslednjih petih letih je napisal šestnajst oper. Pri dvajsetih je z [[opera|opero]] ''Pietra del paragone'' osvojil [[Milano|milansko]] [[La Scala|Scalo]], pri enaindvajsetih letih pa je z opero ''Tancredi'' v [[Teatro La Fenice|Teatru Fenice]] izzval prvi rossinijevski ''[[delirij]]''. Njegovo slavno operno delo “[[Seviljski brivec]]” je prišlo na odrske deske gledališča Argentino v [[Rim]]u. Znana anekdota, da je operno [[partitura|partituro]] napisal v kratkem času trinajstih dni, je povsem verjetna, saj je znano, da je pogosto napisal tri do štiri opere letno. Do konca leta 1822 je deloval kot hišni skladatelj impresarija in lastnika igralnice [[Domenico Barbaia|Barbaie]] v [[Neapelj|Neaplju]], smel pa je delati tudi za druge impresarije. Tam je spoznal pevko [[Isabella Colbran|Isabelo Colbran]], za katero je napisal nekaj opernih vlog. Z njo se je leta 1822 tudi poročil in odpotoval na gostovanje v London.
 
William Steig & Ted Elliott
Deloval je še v Parizu, kjer je vodil ''Théatre Italien'' in od [[Bourboni|bourbonskega]] [[kralj]]a Charlesa X. prejel [[sinekura|sinekuro]] inšpektorja petja. V letih, ko je živel v Parizu, je napisal serijo oper, imenovanih ''dramma serio'', v katerih je iskal dramske resnice. S temi deli se je končal svet ''[[Belcanto|belcanta]]''. Vrhunec njegovega ustvarjanja je bila [[velika opera]] v [[francoščina|francoskem]] jeziku “[[Vilijem Tell]]”, uprizorjena 1829. To je njegova zadnja opera. Star sedemintrideset let se je tedaj odločil, da se povsem odpove pisanju oper. Po uspehu Viljema Tella je odpotoval v Bologno, kjer je režiral svoje opere v ''Teatro comunale''. Zaradi gmotnih interesov v času francoske revolucije se je vrnil v Pariz. Ludvik-Filip mu je ukinil rento in Rossini se je tožil celih pet let. Med tem ga je podpiral seviljski bankir Alexandre Aguado, ki ga je leta 1832 povabil v Madrid. Tam so ga sprejeli na dvoru, bogat prelat don Manuel Varela pa je naročil ''Stabat mater''.
 
'''SHREK'''
Once upon a time there was a lovely
princess. But she had an enchantment
upon her of a fearful sort which could
only be broken by love's first kiss.
She was locked away in a castle guarded
by a terrible fire-breathing dragon.
Many brave knights had attempted to
free her from this dreadful prison,
but non prevailed. She waited in the
dragon's keep in the highest room of
the tallest tower for her true love
and true love's first kiss. (laughs)
Like that's ever gonna happen. What
a load of - (toilet flush)
Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his
day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go
after the ogre.
'''NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME'''
 
'''MAN1'''
Think it's in there?
 
'''MAN2'''
All right. Let's get it!
 
'''MAN1'''
Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that
thing can do to you?
'''MAN3'''
Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's
bread.
Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.
 
'''SHREK'''
Yes, well, actually, that would be a
giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse.
They'll make a suit from your freshly
peeled skin.
'''MEN'''
No!
 
'''SHREK'''
They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the
jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's
quite good on toast.
'''MAN1'''
Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
(waves the torch at Shrek.)
Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The
men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long
and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the
men are in the dark.
'''SHREK'''
This is the part where you run away.
(The men scramble to get away. He laughs.)
And stay out! (looks down and picks
up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted.
Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and
throws the paper over his shoulder.)
'''THE NEXT DAY'''
 
There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard
sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures
to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line
are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto
who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three
little pigs.
'''GUARD'''
All right. This one's full. Take it
away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!
'''HEAD GUARD'''
Next!
 
'''GUARD'''
(taking the witch's broom) Give me that!
Your flying days are over. (breaks the
broom in half)
'''HEAD GUARD'''
That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch.
Next!
'''GUARD'''
Get up! Come on!
 
'''HEAD GUARD'''
Twenty pieces.
 
'''LITTLE BEAR'''
(crying) This cage is too small.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Please, don't turn me in. I'll never
be stubborn again. I can change. Please!
Give me another chance!
'''OLD WOMAN'''
Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope)
 
'''DONKEY'''
Oh!
 
'''HEAD GUARD'''
Next! What have you got?
 
'''GIPETTO'''
This little wooden puppet.
 
'''PINOCCHIO'''
I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his
nose grows)
'''HEAD GUARD'''
Five shillings for the possessed toy.
Take it away.
'''PINOCCHIO'''
Father, please! Don't let them do this!
Help me!
Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up
to the table.
'''HEAD GUARD'''
Next! What have you got?
 
'''OLD WOMAN'''
Well, I've got a talking donkey.
 
'''HEAD GUARD'''
Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings,
if you can prove it.
'''OLD WOMAN'''
Oh, go ahead, little fella.
 
Donkey just looks up at her.
 
'''HEAD GUARD'''
Well?
 
'''OLD WOMAN'''
Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little
nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox.
Talk, you boneheaded dolt...
'''HEAD GUARD'''
That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!
'''OLD WOMAN'''
No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends
to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to
talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing
you ever saw.
'''HEAD GUARD'''
Get her out of my sight.
 
'''OLD WOMAN'''
No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!
 
The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One
of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's
hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled
with fairy dust and he's able to fly.
'''DONKEY'''
Hey! I can fly!
 
'''PETER PAN'''
He can fly!
 
'''3 LITTLE PIGS'''
He can fly!
 
'''HEAD GUARD'''
He can talk!
 
'''DONKEY'''
Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm
a flying, talking donkey. You might
have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly
but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey
fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins
to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink
to the ground.)
He hits the ground with a thud.
 
'''HEAD GUARD'''
Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.)
After him!
'''GUARDS'''
He's getting away! Get him! This way!
Turn!
Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally.
Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared
for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He
quickly hides behind Shrek.
'''HEAD GUARD'''
You there. Ogre!
 
'''SHREK'''
Aye?
 
'''HEAD GUARD'''
By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized
to place you both under arrest and transport
you to a designated resettlement facility.
'''SHREK'''
Oh, really? You and what army?
 
He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well
and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail
and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and
begins walking back to his cottage.
'''DONKEY'''
Can I say something to you? Listen,
you was really, really, really somethin'
back here. Incredible!
'''SHREK'''
Are you talkin' to...(he turns around
and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back
around and Donkey is right in front
of him.) Whoa!
'''DONKEY'''
Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell
you that you that you was great back
here? Those guards! They thought they
was all of that. Then you showed up,
and bam! They was trippin' over themselves
like babes in the woods. That really
made me feel good to see that.
'''SHREK'''
Oh, that's great. Really.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Man, it's good to be free.
 
'''SHREK'''
Now, why don't you go celebrate your
freedom with your own friends? Hmm?
'''DONKEY'''
But, uh, I don't have any friends. And
I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey,
wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll
stick with you. You're mean, green,
fightin' machine. Together we'll scare
the spit out of anybody that crosses
us.
Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very
loudly.
'''DONKEY'''
Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you
don't mind me sayin', if that don't
work, your breath certainly will get
the job done, 'cause you definitely
need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause
you breath stinks! You almost burned
the hair outta my nose, just like the
time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey
continues to talk, so Shrek removes
his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten
berries. I had strong gases leaking
out of my butt that day.
'''SHREK'''
Why are you following me?
 
'''DONKEY'''
I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause
I'm all alone, There's no one here beside
me, My problems have all gone, There's
no one to deride me, But you gotta have
faith...
'''SHREK'''
Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't
have any friends.
'''DONKEY'''
Wow. Only a true friend would be that
cruelly honest.
'''SHREK'''
Listen, little donkey. Take a look at
me. What am I?
'''DONKEY'''
(looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really
tall?
'''SHREK'''
No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your
torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that
bother you?
'''DONKEY'''
Nope.
 
'''SHREK'''
Really?
 
'''DONKEY'''
Really, really.
 
'''SHREK'''
Oh.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Man, I like you. What's you name?
 
'''SHREK'''
Uh, Shrek.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek? Well, you know what I like about
you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me
thing. I like that. I respect that,
Shrek. You all right. (They come over
a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.)
Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live
in place like that?
'''SHREK'''
That would be my home.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful.
You know you are quite a decorator.
It's amazing what you've done with such
a modest budget. I like that boulder.
That is a nice boulder. I guess you
don't entertain much, do you?
'''SHREK'''
I like my privacy.
 
'''DONKEY'''
You know, I do too. That's another thing
we have in common. Like I hate it when
you got somebody in your face. You've
trying to give them a hint, and they
won't leave. There's that awkward silence.
(awkward silence) Can I stay with you?
'''SHREK'''
Uh, what?
 
'''DONKEY'''
Can I stay with you, please?
 
'''SHREK'''
(sarcastically) Of course!
 
'''DONKEY'''
Really?
 
'''SHREK'''
No.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Please! I don't wanna go back there!
You don't know what it's like to be
considered a freak. (pause while he
looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do.
But that's why we gotta stick together.
You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!
'''SHREK'''
Okay! Okay! But one night only.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage)
'''SHREK'''
What are you...? (Donkey hops up onto
a chair.) No! No!
'''DONKEY'''
This is gonna be fun! We can stay up
late, swappin' manly stories, and in
the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.
'''SHREK'''
Oh!
 
'''DONKEY'''
Where do, uh, I sleep?
 
'''SHREK'''
(irritated) Outside!
 
'''DONKEY'''
Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean,
I don't know you, and you don't know
me, so I guess outside is best, you
know. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek
slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do
like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was
born outside. I'll just be sitting by
myself outside, I guess, you know. By
myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's
no one here beside me...
'''SHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT'''
 
Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights
a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a
noise. He stands up with a huff.
'''SHREK'''
(to Donkey) I thought I told you to
stay outside.
'''DONKEY'''
(from the window) I am outside.
 
There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that
made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns
and spots 3 blind mice on his table.
'''BLIND MOUSE1'''
Well, gents, it's a far cry from the
farm, but what choice do we have?
'''BLIND MOUSE2'''
It's not home, but it'll do just fine.
'''GORDO'''
(bouncing on a slug) What a lovely bed.
'''SHREK'''
Got ya. (Grabs a mouse, but it escapes
and lands on his shoulder.)
'''GORDO'''
I found some cheese. (bites Shrek's
ear)
'''SHREK'''
Ow!
 
'''GORDO'''
Blah! Awful stuff.
 
'''BLIND MOUSE1'''
Is that you, Gordo?
 
'''GORDO'''
How did you know?
 
'''SHREK'''
Enough! (he grabs the 3 mice) What are
you doing in my house? (He gets bumped
from behind and he drops the mice.)
Hey! (he turns and sees the Seven Dwarves
with Snow White on the table.) Oh, no,
no, no. Dead broad off the table.
'''DWARF'''
Where are we supposed to put her? The
bed's taken.
'''SHREK'''
Huh?
 
Shrek marches over to the bedroom and throws back the curtain.
The Big Bad Wolf is sitting in the bed. The wolf just looks at
him.
'''BIG BAD WOLF'''
What?
 
'''TIME LAPSE'''
 
Shrek now has the Big Bad Wolf by the collar and is dragging
him to the front door.
'''SHREK'''
I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm
a terrifying ogre! What do I have to
do get a little privacy? (He opens the
front door to throw the Wolf out and
he sees that all the collected Fairy
Tale Creatures are on his land.) Oh,
no. No! No!
The 3 bears sit around the fire, the pied piper is playing his
pipe and the rats are all running to him, some elves are directing
flight traffic so that the fairies and witches can land...etc.
'''SHREK'''
What are you doing in my swamp? (this
echoes and everyone falls silent.)
Gasps are heard all around. The 3 good fairies hide inside a
tent.
'''SHREK'''
All right, get out of here. All of you,
move it! Come on! Let's go! Hapaya!
Hapaya! Hey! Quickly. Come on! (more
dwarves run inside the house) No, no!
No, no. Not there. Not there. (they
shut the door on him) Oh! (turns to
look at Donkey)
'''DONKEY'''
Hey, don't look at me. I didn't invite
them.
'''PINOCCHIO'''
Oh, gosh, no one invited us.
 
'''SHREK'''
What?
 
'''PINOCCHIO'''
We were forced to come here.
 
'''SHREK'''
(flabbergasted) By who?
 
'''LITTLE PIG'''
Lord Farquaad. He huffed and he puffed
and he...signed an eviction notice.
'''SHREK'''
(heavy sigh) All right. Who knows where
this Farquaad guy is?
Everyone looks around at each other but no one answers.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Oh, I do. I know where he is.
 
'''SHREK'''
Does anyone else know where to find
him? Anyone at all?
'''DONKEY'''
Me! Me!
 
'''SHREK'''
Anyone?
 
'''DONKEY'''
Oh! Oh, pick me! Oh, I know! I know!
Me, me!
'''SHREK'''
(sigh) Okay, fine. Attention, all fairy
tale things. Do not get comfortable.
Your welcome is officially worn out.
In fact, I'm gonna see this guy Farquaad
right now and get you all off my land
and back where you came from! (Pause.
Then the crowd goes wild.) Oh! (to Donkey)
You! You're comin' with me.
'''DONKEY'''
All right, that's what I like to hear,
man. Shrek and Donkey, two stalwart
friends, off on a whirlwind big-city
adventure. I love it!
'''DONKEY'''
(singing) On the road again. Sing it
with me, Shrek. I can't wait to get
on the road again.
'''SHREK'''
What did I say about singing?
 
'''DONKEY'''
Can I whistle?
 
'''SHREK'''
No.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Can I hum it?
 
'''SHREK'''
All right, hum it.
 
Donkey begins to hum 'On the Road Again'.
 
'''DULOC - KITCHEN'''
 
A masked man is torturing the Gingerbread Man. He's continually
dunking him in a glass of milk. Lord Farquaad walks in.
'''FARQUAAD'''
That's enough. He's ready to talk.
The Gingerbread Man is pulled out of the milk and slammed down
onto a cookie sheet. Farquaad laughs as he walks over to the
table. However when he reaches the table we see that it goes
up to his eyes. He clears his throat and the table is lowered.
'''FARQUAAD'''
(he picks up the Gingerbread Man's legs
and plays with them) Run, run, run,
as fast as you can. You can't catch
me. I'm the gingerbread man.
'''GINGERBREAD MAN'''
You are a monster.
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
I'm not the monster here. You are. You
and the rest of that fairy tale trash,
poisoning my perfect world. Now, tell
me! Where are the others?
'''GINGERBREAD MAN'''
Eat me! (He spits milk into Farquaad's
eye.)
'''FARQUAAD'''
I've tried to be fair to you creatures.
Now my patience has reached its end!
Tell me or I'll...(he makes as if to
pull off the Gingerbread Man's buttons)
'''GINGERBREAD MAN'''
No, no, not the buttons. Not my gumdrop
buttons.
'''FARQUAAD'''
All right then. Who's hiding them?
'''GINGERBREAD MAN'''
Okay, I'll tell you. Do you know the
muffin man?
'''FARQUAAD'''
The muffin man?
 
'''GINGERBREAD MAN'''
The muffin man.
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
Yes, I know the muffin man, who lives
on Drury Lane?
'''GINGERBREAD MAN'''
Well, she's married to the muffin man.
'''FARQUAAD'''
The muffin man?
 
'''GINGERBREAD MAN'''
The muffin man!
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
She's married to the muffin man.
 
The door opens and the Head Guard walks in.
 
'''HEAD GUARD'''
My lord! We found it.
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
Then what are you waiting for? Bring
it in.
More guards enter carrying something that is covered by a sheet.
They hang up whatever it is and remove the sheet. It is the Magic
Mirror.
'''GINGERBREAD MAN'''
(in awe) Ohhhh...
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
Magic mirror...
 
'''GINGERBREAD MAN'''
Don't tell him anything! (Farquaad picks
him up and dumps him into a trash can
with a lid.) No!
'''FARQUAAD'''
Evening. Mirror, mirror on the wall.
Is this not the most perfect kingdom
of them all?
'''MIRROR'''
Well, technically you're not a king.
'''FARQUAAD'''
Uh, Thelonius. (Thelonius holds up a
hand mirror and smashes it with his
fist.) You were saying?
'''MIRROR'''
What I mean is you're not a king yet.
But you can become one. All you have
to do is marry a princess.
'''FARQUAAD'''
Go on.
 
'''MIRROR'''
(chuckles nervously) So, just sit back
and relax, my lord, because it's time
for you to meet today's eligible bachelorettes.
And here they are! Bachelorette number
one is a mentally abused shut-in from
a kingdom far, far away. She likes sushi
and hot tubbing anytime. Her hobbies
include cooking and cleaning for her
two evil sisters. Please welcome Cinderella.
(shows picture of Cinderella) Bachelorette
number two is a cape-wearing girl from
the land of fancy. Although she lives
with seven other men, she's not easy.
Just kiss her dead, frozen lips and
find out what a live wire she is. Come
on. Give it up for Snow White! (shows
picture of Snow White) And last, but
certainly not last, bachelorette number
three is a fiery redhead from a dragon-guarded
castle surrounded by hot boiling lava!
But don't let that cool you off. She's
a loaded pistol who likes pina colads
and getting caught in the rain. Yours
for the rescuing, Princess Fiona! (Shows
picture of Princess Fiona) So will it
be bachelorette number one, bachelorette
number two or bachelorette number three?
'''GUARDS'''
Two! Two! Three! Three! Two! Two! Three!
'''FARQUAAD'''
Three? One? Three?
 
'''THELONIUS'''
Three! (holds up 2 fingers) Pick number
three, my lord!
'''FARQUAAD'''
Okay, okay, uh, number three!
 
'''MIRROR'''
Lord Farquaad, you've chosen Princess
Fiona.
'''FARQUAAD'''
Princess Fiona. She's perfect. All I
have to do is just find someone who
can go...
'''MIRROR'''
But I probably should mention the little
thing that happens at night.
'''FARQUAAD'''
I'll do it.
 
'''MIRROR'''
Yes, but after sunset...
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
Silence! I will make this Princess Fiona
my queen, and DuLoc will finally have
the perfect king! Captain, assemble
your finest men. We're going to have
a tournament. (smiles evilly)
DuLoc Parking Lot - Lancelot Section
 
Shrek and Donkey come out of the field that is right by the parking
lot. The castle itself is about 40 stories high.
'''DONKEY'''
But that's it. That's it right there.
That's DuLoc. I told ya I'd find it.
'''SHREK'''
So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle.
'''DONKEY'''
Uh-huh. That's the place.
 
'''SHREK'''
Do you think maybe he's compensating
for something? (He laughs, but then
groans as Donkey doesn't get the joke.
He continues walking through the parking
lot.)
'''DONKEY'''
Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek.
 
'''MAN'''
Hurry, darling. We're late. Hurry.
'''SHREK'''
Hey, you! (The attendant, who is wearing
a giant head that looks like Lord Farquaad,
screams and begins running through the
rows of rope to get to the front gate
to get away from Shrek.) Wait a second.
Look, I'm not gonna eat you. I just
- - I just - - (He sighs and then begins
walking straight through the rows. The
attendant runs into a wall and falls
down. Shrek and Donkey look at him then
continue on into DuLoc.)
'''DULOC'''
 
They look around but all is quiet.
 
'''SHREK'''
It's quiet. Too quiet. Where is everybody?
'''DONKEY'''
Hey, look at this!
 
Donkey runs over and pulls a lever that is attached to a box
marked 'Information'. The music winds up and then the box doors
open up. There are little wooden people inside and they begin
to sing.
'''WOODEN PEOPLE'''
Welcome to DuLoc such a perfect town
Here we have some rules
 
Let us lay them down
 
Don't make waves, stay in line
 
And we'll get along fine
 
DuLoc is perfect place
 
Please keep off of the grass
 
Shine your shoes, wipe your... face
 
DuLoc is, DuLoc is
 
DuLoc is perfect place.
 
Suddenly a camera takes Donkey and Shrek's picture.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Wow! Let's do that again! (makes ready
to run over and pull the lever again)
'''SHREK'''
(grabs Donkey's tail and holds him still)
No. No. No, no, no! No.
They hear a trumpet fanfare and head over to the arena.
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
Brave knights. You are the best and
brightest in all the land. Today one
of you shall prove himself...
As Shrek and Donkey walk down the tunnel to get into the arena
Donkey is humming the DuLoc theme song.
'''SHREK'''
All right. You're going the right way
for a smacked bottom.
'''DONKEY'''
Sorry about that.
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
That champion shall have the honor -
- no, no - - the privilege to go forth
and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona
from the fiery keep of the dragon. If
for any reason the winner is unsuccessful,
the first runner-up will take his place
and so on and so forth. Some of you
may die, but it's a sacrifice I am willing
to make. (cheers) Let the tournament
begin! (He notices Shrek) Oh! What is
that? It's hideous!
'''SHREK'''
(turns to look at Donkey and then back
at Farquaad) Ah, that's not very nice.
It's just a donkey.
'''FARQUAAD'''
Indeed. Knights, new plan! The one who
kills the ogre will be named champion!
Have it him!
'''MEN'''
Get him!
 
'''SHREK'''
Oh, hey! Now come on! Hang on now. (bumps
into a table where there are mugs of
beer)
'''CROWD'''
Go ahead! Get him!
 
'''SHREK'''
(holds up a mug of beer) Can't we just
settle this over a pint?
'''CROWD'''
Kill the beast!
 
'''SHREK'''
No? All right then. (drinks the beer)
Come on!
He takes the mug and smashes the spigot off the large barrel
of beer behind him. The beer comes rushing out drenching the
other men and wetting the ground. It's like mud now. Shrek slides
past the men and picks up a spear that one of the men dropped.
As Shrek begins to fight Donkey hops up onto one of the larger
beer barrels. It breaks free of it's ropes and begins to roll.
Donkey manages to squish two men into the mud. There is so much
fighting going on here I'm not going to go into detail. Suffice
to say that Shrek kicks butt.
'''DONKEY'''
Hey, Shrek, tag me! Tag me!
 
Shrek comes over and bangs a man's head up against Donkeys. Shrek
gets up on the ropes and interacts with the crowd.
'''SHREK'''
Yeah!
 
A man tries to sneak up behind Shrek, but Shrek turns in time
and sees him.
'''WOMAN'''
The chair! Give him the chair!
 
Shrek smashes a chair over the guys back. Finally all the men
are down. Donkey kicks one of them in the helmet, and the ding
sounds the end of the match. The audience goes wild.
'''SHREK'''
Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah! Thank you! Thank you
very much! I'm here till Thursday. Try
the veal! Ha, ha! (laughs)
The laughter stops as all of the guards turn their weapons on
Shrek.
'''HEAD GUARD'''
Shall I give the order, sir?
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
No, I have a better idea. People of
DuLoc, I give you our champion!
'''SHREK'''
What?
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
Congratulations, ogre. You're won the
honor of embarking on a great and noble
quest.
'''SHREK'''
Quest? I'm already in a quest, a quest
to get my swamp back.
'''FARQUAAD'''
Your swamp?
 
'''SHREK'''
Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those
fairy tale creatures!
'''FARQUAAD'''
Indeed. All right, ogre. I'll make you
a deal. Go on this quest for me, and
I'll give you your swamp back.
'''SHREK'''
Exactly the way it was?
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.
'''SHREK'''
And the squatters?
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
As good as gone.
 
'''SHREK'''
What kind of quest?
 
Time Lapse - Donkey and Shrek are now walking through the field
heading away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion.
'''DONKEY'''
Let me get this straight. You're gonna
go fight a dragon and rescue a princess
just so Farquaad will give you back
a swamp which you only don't have because
he filled it full of freaks in the first
place. Is that about right?
'''SHREK'''
You know, maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
'''DONKEY'''
I don't get it. Why don't you just pull
some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle
him, lay siege to his fortress, grinds
his bones to make your bread, the whole
ogre trip.
'''SHREK'''
Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have
decapitated an entire village and put
their heads on a pike, gotten a knife,
cut open their spleen and drink their
fluids. Does that sound good to you?
'''DONKEY'''
Uh, no, not really, no.
 
'''SHREK'''
For your information, there's a lot
more to ogres than people think.
'''DONKEY'''
Example?
 
'''SHREK'''
Example? Okay, um, ogres are like onions.
(he holds out his onion)
'''DONKEY'''
(sniffs the onion) They stink?
 
'''SHREK'''
Yes - - No!
 
'''DONKEY'''
They make you cry?
 
'''SHREK'''
No!
 
'''DONKEY'''
You leave them in the sun, they get
all brown, start sproutin' little white
hairs.
'''SHREK'''
No! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres
have layers! Onions have layers. You
get it? We both have layers. (he heaves
a sigh and then walks off)
'''DONKEY'''
(trailing after Shrek) Oh, you both
have layers. Oh. {Sniffs} You know,
not everybody likes onions. Cake! Everybody
loves cakes! Cakes have layers.
'''SHREK'''
I don't care... what everyone likes.
Ogres are not like cakes.
'''DONKEY'''
You know what else everybody likes?
Parfaits. Have you ever met a person,
you say, "Let's get some parfait," they
say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait"?
Parfaits are delicious.
'''SHREK'''
No! You dense, irritating, miniature
beast of burden! Ogres are like onions!
And of story. Bye-bye. See ya later.
'''DONKEY'''
Parfaits may be the most delicious thing
on the whole damn planet.
'''SHREK'''
You know, I think I preferred your humming.
'''DONKEY'''
Do you have a tissue or something? I'm
making a mess. Just the word parfait
make me start slobbering.
They head off. There is a montage of their journey. Walking through
a field at sunset. Sleeping beneath a bright moon. Shrek trying
to put the campfire out the next day and having a bit of a problem,
so Donkey pees on the fire to put it out.
'''DRAGON'S KEEP'''
 
Shrek and Donkey are walking up to the keep that's supposed to
house Princess Fiona. It appears to look like a giant volcano.
'''DONKEY'''
(sniffs) Ohh! Shrek! Did you do that?
You gotta warn somebody before you just
crack one off. My mouth was open and
everything.
'''SHREK'''
Believe me, Donkey, if it was me, you'd
be dead. (sniffs) It's brimstone. We
must be getting close.
'''DONKEY'''
Yeah, right, brimstone. Don't be talking
about it's the brimstone. I know what
I smell. It wasn't no brimstone. It
didn't come off no stone neither.
They climb up the side of the volcano/keep and look down. There
is a small piece of rock right in the center and that is where
the castle is. It is surrounded by boiling lava. It looks very
foreboding.
'''SHREK'''
Sure, it's big enough, but look at the
location. (laughs...then the laugh turns
into a groan)
'''DONKEY'''
Uh, Shrek? Uh, remember when you said
ogres have layers?
'''SHREK'''
Oh, aye.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Well, I have a bit of a confession to
make. Donkeys don't have layers. We
wear our fear right out there on our
sleeves.
'''SHREK'''
Wait a second. Donkeys don't have sleeves.
'''DONKEY'''
You know what I mean.
 
'''SHREK'''
You can't tell me you're afraid of heights.
'''DONKEY'''
No, I'm just a little uncomfortable
about being on a rickety bridge over
a boiling like of lava!
'''SHREK'''
Come on, Donkey. I'm right here beside
ya, okay? For emotional support., we'll
just tackle this thing together one
little baby step at a time.
'''DONKEY'''
Really?
 
'''SHREK'''
Really, really.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Okay, that makes me feel so much better.
'''SHREK'''
Just keep moving. And don't look down.
'''DONKEY'''
Okay, don't look down. Don't look down.
Don't look down. Keep on moving. Don't
look down. (he steps through a rotting
board and ends up looking straight down
into the lava) Shrek! I'm lookin' down!
Oh, God, I can't do this! Just let me
off, please!
'''SHREK'''
But you're already halfway.
 
'''DONKEY'''
But I know that half is safe!
 
'''SHREK'''
Okay, fine. I don't have time for this.
You go back.
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek, no! Wait!
 
'''SHREK'''
Just, Donkey - - Let's have a dance
then, shall me? (bounces and sways the
bridge)
'''DONKEY'''
Don't do that!
 
'''SHREK'''
Oh, I'm sorry. Do what? Oh, this? (bounces
the bridge again)
'''DONKEY'''
Yes, that!
 
'''SHREK'''
Yes? Yes, do it. Okay. (continues to
bounce and sway as he backs Donkey across
the bridge)
'''DONKEY'''
No, Shrek! No! Stop it!
 
'''SHREK'''
You said do it! I'm doin' it.
 
'''DONKEY'''
I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shrek,
I'm gonna die. (steps onto solid ground)
Oh!
'''SHREK'''
That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. (walks
towards the castle)
'''DONKEY'''
Cool. So where is this fire-breathing
pain-in-the-neck anyway?
'''SHREK'''
Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
(chuckles)
'''DONKEY'''
I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.
'''INSIDE THE CASTLE'''
 
'''DONKEY'''
You afraid?
 
'''SHREK'''
No.
 
'''DONKEY'''
But...
 
'''SHREK'''
Shh.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Oh, good. Me neither. (sees a skeleton
and gasps) 'Cause there's nothin' wrong
with bein' afraid. Fear's a sensible
response to an unfamiliar situation.
Unfamiliar dangerous situation, I might
add. With a dragon that breathes fire
and eats knights and breathes fire,
it sure doesn't mean you're a coward
if you're a little scared. I sure as
heck ain't no coward. I know that.
'''SHREK'''
Donkey, two things, okay? Shut ... up.
Now go over there and see if you can
find any stairs.
'''DONKEY'''
Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for
the princess.
'''SHREK'''
(putting on a helmet) The princess will
be up the stairs in the highest room
in the tallest tower.
'''DONKEY'''
What makes you think she'll be there?
'''SHREK'''
I read it in a book once. (walks off)
'''DONKEY'''
Cool. You handle the dragon. I'll handle
the stairs. I'll find those stairs.
I'll whip their butt too. Those stairs
won't know which way they're goin'.
(walks off)
'''EMPTY ROOM'''
 
Donkey is still talking to himself as he looks around the room.
'''DONKEY'''
I'm gonna take drastic steps. Kick it
to the curb. Don't mess with me. I'm
the stair master. I've mastered the
stairs. I wish I had a step right here.
I'd step all over it.
'''ELSEWHERE'''
 
Shrek spots a light in the tallest tower window.
 
'''SHREK'''
Well, at least we know where the princess
is, but where's the...
'''DONKEY'''
(os) Dragon!
 
Donkey gasps and takes off running as the dragon roars again.
Shrek manages to grab Donkey out of the way just as the dragon
breathes fire.
'''SHREK'''
Donkey, look out! (he manages to get
a hold of the dragons tail and holds
on) Got ya!
The dragon gets irritated at this and flicks it's tail and Shrek
goes flying through the air and crashes through the roof of the
tallest tower. Fiona wakes up with a jerk and looks at him lying
on the floor.
'''DONKEY'''
Oh! Aah! Aah!
 
Donkey get cornered as the Dragon knocks away all but a small
part of the bridge he's on.
'''DONKEY'''
No. Oh, no, No! (the dragon roars) Oh,
what large teeth you have. (the dragon
growls) I mean white, sparkling teeth.
I know you probably hear this all time
from your food, but you must bleach,
'cause that is one dazzling smile you
got there. Do I detect a hint of minty
freshness? And you know what else? You're
- - You're a girl dragon! Oh, sure!
I mean, of course you're a girl dragon.
You're just reeking of feminine beauty.
(the dragon begins fluttering her eyes
at him) What's the matter with you?
You got something in your eye? Ohh.
Oh. Oh. Man, I'd really love to stay,
but you know, I'm, uh...(the dragon
blows a smoke ring in the shape of a
heart right at him, and he coughs) I'm
an asthmatic, and I don't know if it'd
work out if you're gonna blow smoke
rings. Shrek! (the dragon picks him
up with her teeth and carries him off)
No! Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
'''FIONA'S ROOM'''
 
Shrek groans as he gets up off the floor. His back is to Fiona
so she straightens her dress and lays back down on the bed. She
then quickly reaches over and gets the bouquet of flowers off
the side table. She then lays back down and appears to be asleep.
Shrek turns and goes over to her. He looks down at Fiona for
a moment and she puckers her lips. Shrek takes her by the shoulders
and shakes her away.
'''FIONA'''
Oh! Oh!
 
'''SHREK'''
Wake up!
 
'''FIONA'''
What?
 
'''SHREK'''
Are you Princess Fiona?
 
'''FIONA'''
I am, awaiting a knight so bold as to
rescue me.
'''SHREK'''
Oh, that's nice. Now let's go!
 
'''FIONA'''
But wait, Sir Knight. This be-ith our
first meeting. Should it not be a wonderful,
romantic moment?
'''SHREK'''
Yeah, sorry, lady. There's no time.
'''FIONA'''
Hey, wait. What are you doing? You should
sweep me off my feet out yonder window
and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
'''SHREK'''
You've had a lot of time to plan this,
haven't you?
'''FIONA'''
(smiles) Mm-hmm.
 
Shrek breaks the lock on her door and pulls her out and down
the hallway.
'''FIONA'''
But we have to savor this moment! You
could recite an epic poem for me. A
ballad? A sonnet! A limerick? Or something!
'''SHREK'''
I don't think so.
 
'''FIONA'''
Can I at least know the name of my champion?
'''SHREK'''
Uh, Shrek.
 
'''FIONA'''
Sir Shrek. (clears throat and holds
out a handkerchief) I pray that you
take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
'''SHREK'''
Thanks!
 
Suddenly they hear the dragon roar.
 
'''FIONA'''
(surprised)You didn't slay the dragon?
'''SHREK'''
It's on my to-do list. Now come on!
(takes off running and drags Fiona behind
him.)
'''FIONA'''
But this isn't right! You were meant
to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying.
That's what all the other knights did.
'''SHREK'''
Yeah, right before they burst into flame.
'''FIONA'''
That's not the point. (Shrek suddenly
stops and she runs into him.) Oh! (Shrek
ignores her and heads for a wooden door
off to the side.) Wait. Where are you
going? The exit's over there.
'''SHREK'''
Well, I have to save my ass.
 
'''FIONA'''
What kind of knight are you?
 
'''SHREK'''
One of a kind. (opens the door into
the throne room)
'''DONKEY'''
(os) Slow down. Slow down, baby, please.
I believe it's healthy to get to know
someone over a long period of time.
Just call me old-fashioned. (laughs
worriedly) (we see him up close and
from a distance as Shrek sneaks into
the room) I don't want to rush into
a physical relationship. I'm not emotionally
ready for a commitment of, uh, this
- - Magnitude really is the word I'm
looking for. Magnitude- - Hey, that
is unwanted physical contact. Hey, what
are you doing? Okay, okay. Let's just
back up a little and take this one step
at a time. We really should get to know
each other first as friends or pen pals.
I'm on the road a lot, but I just love
receiving cards - - I'd really love
to stay, but - - Don't do that! That's
my tail! That's my personal tail. You're
gonna tear it off. I don't give permission
- - What are you gonna do with that?
Hey, now. No way. No! No! No, no! No.
No, no, no. No! Oh!
Shrek grabs a chain that's connected to the chandelier and swings
toward the dragon. He misses and he swings back again. He looks
up and spots that the chandelier is right above the dragons head.
He pulls on the chain and it releases and he falls down and bumps
Donkey out of the way right as the dragon is about to kiss him.
Instead the dragon kisses Shreks' butt. She opens her eyes and
roars. Shrek lets go of the chain and the chandelier falls onto
her head, but it's too big and it goes over her head and forms
a sort of collar for her. She roars again and Shrek and Donkey
take off running. Very 'Matrix' style. Shrek grabs Donkey and
then grabs Princess Fiona as he runs past her.
'''DONKEY'''
Hi, Princess!
 
'''FIONA'''
It talks!
 
'''SHREK'''
Yeah, it's getting him to shut up that's
the trick.
They all start screaming as the dragon gains on them. Shrek spots
a descending slide and jumps on. But unfortunately there is a
crack in the stone and it hits Shrek right in the groin. His
eyes cross and as he reaches the bottom of the slide he stumbles
off and walks lightly.
'''SHREK'''
Oh!
 
Shrek gets them close to the exit and sets down Donkey and Fiona.
'''SHREK'''
Okay, you two, heard for the exit! I'll
take care of the dragon.
Shrek grabs a sword and heads back toward the interior of the
castle. He throws the sword down in between several overlapping
chain links. The chain links are attached to the chandelier that
is still around the dragons neck.
'''SHREK'''
(echoing) Run!
 
They all take off running for the exit with the dragon in hot
pursuit. They make it to the bridge and head across. The dragons
breathes fire and the bridge begins to burn. They all hang on
for dear life as the ropes holding the bridge up collapse. They
are swung to the other side. As they hang upside down they look
in horror as the dragon makes to fly over the boiling lava to
get them. But suddenly the chandelier with the chain jerk the
dragon back and she's unable to get to them. Our gang climbs
quickly to safety as the dragon looks angry and then gives a
sad whimper as she watches Donkey walk away.
'''FIONA'''
(sliding down the 'volcano' hill) You
did it! You rescued me! You're amazing.
(behind her Donkey falls down the hill)
You're - - You're wonderful. You're...
(turns and sees Shrek fall down the
hill and bump into Donkey) a little
unorthodox I'll admit. But thy deed
is great, and thy heart is pure. I am
eternally in your debt. (Donkey clears
his throat.) And where would a brave
knight be without his noble steed?
'''DONKEY'''
I hope you heard that. She called me
a noble steed. She think I'm a steed.
'''FIONA'''
The battle is won. You may remove your
helmet, good Sir Knight.
'''SHREK'''
Uh, no.
 
'''FIONA'''
Why not?
 
'''SHREK'''
I have helmet hair.
 
'''FIONA'''
Please. I would'st look upon the face
of my rescuer.
'''SHREK'''
No, no, you wouldn't - - 'st.
 
'''FIONA'''
But how will you kiss me?
 
'''SHREK'''
What? (to Donkey) That wasn't in the
job description.
'''DONKEY'''
Maybe it's a perk.
 
'''FIONA'''
No, it's destiny. Oh, you must know
how it goes. A princess locked in a
tower and beset by a dragon is rescued
by a brave knight, and then they share
true love's first kiss.
'''DONKEY'''
Hmm? With Shrek? You think- - Wait.
Wait. You think that Shrek is you true
love?
'''FIONA'''
Well, yes.
 
Both Donkey and Shrek burst out laughing.
 
'''DONKEY'''
You think Shrek is your true love!
'''FIONA'''
What is so funny?
 
'''SHREK'''
Let's just say I'm not your type, okay?Fiona:
Of course, you are. You're my rescuer.
Now - - Now remove your helmet.
'''SHREK'''
Look. I really don't think this is a
good idea.
'''FIONA'''
Just take off the helmet.
 
'''SHREK'''
I'm not going to.
 
'''FIONA'''
Take it off.
 
'''SHREK'''
No!
 
'''FIONA'''
Now!
 
'''SHREK'''
Okay! Easy. As you command. Your Highness.
(takes off his helmet)
'''FIONA'''
You- - You're a- - an ogre.
 
'''SHREK'''
Oh, you were expecting Prince Charming.
'''FIONA'''
Well, yes, actually. Oh, no. This is
all wrong. You're not supposed to be
an ogre.
'''SHREK'''
Princess, I was sent to rescue you by
Lord Farquaad, okay? He is the one who
wants to marry you.
'''FIONA'''
Then why didn't he come rescue me?
'''SHREK'''
Good question. You should ask him that
when we get there.
'''FIONA'''
But I have to be rescued by my true
love, not by some ogre and his- - his
pet.
'''DONKEY'''
Well, so much for noble steed.
 
'''SHREK'''
You're not making my job any easier.
'''FIONA'''
I'm sorry, but your job is not my problem.
You can tell Lord Farquaad that if he
wants to rescue me properly, I'll be
waiting for him right here.
'''SHREK'''
Hey! I'm no one's messenger boy, all
right? (ominous) I'm a delivery boy.
(he swiftly picks her up and swings
her over his shoulder like she was a
sack of potatoes)
'''FIONA'''
You wouldn't dare. Put me down!
 
'''SHREK'''
Ya comin', Donkey?
 
'''DONKEY'''
I'm right behind ya.
 
'''FIONA'''
Put me down, or you will suffer the
consequences! This is not dignified!
Put me down!
'''WOODS'''
 
A little time has passed and Fiona has calmed down. She just
hangs there limply while Shrek carries her.
'''DONKEY'''
Okay, so here's another question. Say
there's a woman that digs you, right,
but you don't really like her that way.
How do you let her down real easy so
her feelings aren't hurt, but you don't
get burned to a crisp and eaten?
'''FIONA'''
You just tell her she's not your true
love. Everyone knows what happens when
you find your...(Shrek drops her on
the ground) Hey! The sooner we get to
DuLoc the better.
'''DONKEY'''
You're gonna love it there, Princess.
It's beautiful!
'''FIONA'''
And what of my groom-to-be? Lord Farquaad?
What's he like?
'''SHREK'''
Let me put it this way, Princess. Men
of Farquaad's stature are in short supply.
(he and Donkey laugh)
Shrek then proceeds to splash water onto his face to wash off
the dust and grime.
'''DONKEY'''
I don't know. There are those who think
little of him. (they laugh again) Fiona:
Stop it. Stop it, both of you. You're
just jealous you can never measure up
to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
'''SHREK'''
Yeah, well, maybe you're right, Princess.
But I'll let you do the "measuring"
when you see him tomorrow.
'''FIONA'''
(looks at the setting sun) Tomorrow?
It'll take that long? Shouldn't we stop
to make camp?
'''SHREK'''
No, that'll take longer. We can keep
going.
'''FIONA'''
But there's robbers in the woods.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Whoa! Time out, Shrek! Camp is starting
to sound good.
'''SHREK'''
Hey, come on. I'm scarier than anything
we're going to see in this forest.
'''FIONA'''
I need to find somewhere to camp now!
Both Donkey and Shrek's ears lower as they shrink away from her.
'''MOUNTAIN CLIFF'''
 
Shrek has found a cave that appears to be in good order. He shoves
a stone boulder out of the way to reveal the cave.
'''SHREK'''
Hey! Over here.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek, we can do better than that. I
don't think this is fit for a princess.
'''FIONA'''
No, no, it's perfect. It just needs
a few homey touches.
'''SHREK'''
Homey touches? Like what? (he hears
a tearing noise and looks over at Fiona
who has torn the bark off of a tree.)
'''FIONA'''
A door? Well, gentlemen, I bid thee
good night. (goes into the cave and
puts the bark door up behind her)
'''DONKEY'''
You want me to read you a bedtime story?
I will.
'''FIONA'''
(os) I said good night!
 
Shrek looks at Donkey for a second and then goes to move the
boulder back in front of the entrance to the cave with Fiona
still inside.
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek, What are you doing?
 
'''SHREK'''
(laughs) I just- - You know - - Oh,
come on. I was just kidding.
'''LATER THAT NIGHT'''
 
Shrek and Donkey are sitting around a campfire. They are staring
up into the sky as Shrek points out certain star constellations
to Donkey.
'''SHREK'''
And, uh, that one, that's Throwback,
the only ogre to ever spit over three
wheat fields.
'''DONKEY'''
Right. Yeah. Hey, can you tell my future
from these stars?
'''SHREK'''
The stars don't tell the future, Donkey.
They tell stories. Look, there's Bloodnut,
the Flatulent. You can guess what he's
famous for.
'''DONKEY'''
I know you're making this up.
 
'''SHREK'''
No, look. There he is, and there's the
group of hunters running away from his
stench.
'''DONKEY'''
That ain't nothin' but a bunch of little
dots.
'''SHREK'''
You know, Donkey, sometimes things are
more than they appear. Hmm? Forget it.
'''DONKEY'''
(heaves a big sigh) Hey, Shrek, what
we gonna do when we get our swamp anyway?
'''SHREK'''
Our swamp?
 
'''DONKEY'''
You know, when we're through rescuing
the princess.
'''SHREK'''
We? Donkey, there's no "we". There's
no "our". There's just me and my swamp.
The first thing I'm gonna do is build
a ten-foot wall around my land.
'''DONKEY'''
You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real
deep just now. You know what I think?
I think this whole wall thing is just
a way to keep somebody out.
'''SHREK'''
No, do ya think?
 
'''DONKEY'''
Are you hidin' something?
 
'''SHREK'''
Never mind, Donkey.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Oh, this is another one of those onion
things, isn't it?
'''SHREK'''
No, this is one of those drop-it and
leave-it alone things.
'''DONKEY'''
Why don't you want to talk about it?
'''SHREK'''
Why do you want to talk about it?
 
'''DONKEY'''
Why are you blocking?
 
'''SHREK'''
I'm not blocking.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Oh, yes, you are.
 
'''SHREK'''
Donkey, I'm warning you.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Who you trying to keep out?
 
'''SHREK'''
Everyone! Okay?
 
'''DONKEY'''
(pause) Oh, now we're gettin' somewhere.
(grins)
At this point Fiona pulls the 'door' away from the entrance to
the cave and peaks out. Neither of the guys see her.
'''SHREK'''
Oh! For the love of Pete! (gets up and
walks over to the edge of the cliff
and sits down)
'''DONKEY'''
What's your problem? What you got against
the whole world anyway?
'''SHREK'''
Look, I'm not the one with the problem,
okay? It's the world that seems to have
a problem with me. People take one look
at me and go. "Aah! Help! Run! A big,
stupid, ugly ogre!" They judge me before
they even know me. That's why I'm better
off alone.
'''DONKEY'''
You know what? When we met, I didn't
think you was just a big, stupid, ugly
ogre.
'''SHREK'''
Yeah, I know.
 
'''DONKEY'''
So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
'''SHREK'''
Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small
and Annoying.
'''DONKEY'''
Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny
one, right there. That one there?
Fiona puts the door back.
 
'''SHREK'''
That's the moon.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Oh, okay.
 
DuLoc - Farquaad's Bedroom
 
The camera pans over a lot of wedding stuff. Soft music plays
in the background. Farquaad is in bed, watching as the Magic
Mirror shows him Princess Fiona.
'''FARQUAAD'''
Again, show me again. Mirror, mirror,
show her to me. Show me the princess.
'''MIRROR'''
Hmph.
 
The Mirror rewinds and begins to play again from the beginning.
'''FARQUAAD'''
Ah. Perfect.
 
Farquaad looks down at his bare chest and pulls the sheet up
to cover himself as though Fiona could see him as he gazes sheepishly
at her image in the mirror.
'''MORNING'''
 
Fiona walks out of the cave. She glances at Shrek and Donkey
who are still sleeping. She wanders off into the woods and comes
across a blue bird. She begins to sing. The bird sings along
with her. She hits higher and higher notes and the bird struggles
to keep up with her. Suddenly the pressure of the note is too
big and the bird explodes. Fiona looks a little sheepish, but
she eyes the eggs that the bird left behind. Time lapse, Fiona
is now cooking the eggs for breakfast. Shrek and Donkey are still
sleeping. Shrek wakes up and looks at Fiona. Donkey's talking
in his sleep.
'''DONKEY'''
(quietly) Mmm, yeah, you know I like
it like that. Come on, baby. I said
I like it.
'''SHREK'''
Donkey, wake up. (shakes him)
 
'''DONKEY'''
Huh? What?
 
'''SHREK'''
Wake up.
 
'''DONKEY'''
What? (stretches and yawns)
 
'''FIONA'''
Good morning. Hm, how do you like your
eggs?
'''DONKEY'''
Oh, good morning, Princess!
 
Fiona gets up and sets the eggs down in front of them.
 
'''SHREK'''
What's all this about?
 
'''FIONA'''
You know, we kind of got off to a bad
start yesterday. I wanted to make it
up to you. I mean, after all, you did
rescue me.
'''SHREK'''
Uh, thanks.
 
Donkey sniffs the eggs and licks his lips.
 
'''FIONA'''
Well, eat up. We've got a big day ahead
of us. (walks off)
'''LATER'''
 
They are once again on their way. They are walking through the
forest. Shrek belches.
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek!
 
'''SHREK'''
What? It's a compliment. Better out
than in, I always say. (laughs)
'''DONKEY'''
Well, it's no way to behave in front
of a princess.
Fiona belches
 
'''FIONA'''
Thanks.
 
'''DONKEY'''
She's as nasty as you are.
 
'''SHREK'''
(chuckles) You know, you're not exactly
what I expected.
'''FIONA'''
Well, maybe you shouldn't judge people
before you get to know them.
She smiles and then continues walking, singing softly. Suddenly
from out of nowhere, a man swings down and swoops Fiona up into
a tree.
'''ROBIN HOOD'''
La liberte! Hey!
 
'''SHREK'''
Princess!
 
'''FIONA'''
(to Robin Hood) What are you doing?
'''ROBIN HOOD'''
Be still, mon cherie, for I am you savior!
And I am rescuing you from this green...(kisses
up her arm while Fiona pulls back in
disgust)...beast.
'''SHREK'''
Hey! That's my princess! Go find you
own!
'''ROBIN HOOD'''
Please, monster! Can't you see I'm a
little busy here?
'''FIONA'''
(getting fed up) Look, pal, I don't
know who you think you are!
'''ROBIN HOOD'''
Oh! Of course! Oh, how rude. Please
let me introduce myself. Oh, Merry Men.
(laughs)
Suddenly an accordion begins to play and the Merry men pop out
from the bushes. They begin to sing Robin's theme song.
'''MERRY MEN'''
Ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.
 
'''ROBIN HOOD'''
I steal from the rich and give to the
needy.
'''MERRY MEN'''
He takes a wee percentage,
 
'''ROBIN HOOD'''
But I'm not greedy. I rescue pretty
damsels, man, I'm good.
'''MERRY MEN'''
What a guy, Monsieur Hood.
 
'''ROBIN HOOD'''
Break it down. I like an honest fight
and a saucy little maid...
'''MERRY MEN'''
What he's basically saying is he likes
to get...
'''ROBIN HOOD'''
Paid. So...When an ogre in the bush
grabs a lady by the tush. That's bad.
'''MERRY MEN'''
That's bad.
 
'''ROBIN HOOD'''
When a beauty's with a beast it makes
me awfully mad.
'''MERRY MEN'''
He's mad, he's really, really mad.
'''ROBIN HOOD'''
I'll take my blade and ram it through
your heart, keep your eyes on me, boys
'cause I'm about to start...
There is a grunt as Fiona swings down from the tree limb and
knocks Robin Hood unconscious.
'''FIONA'''
Man, that was annoying!
 
Shrek looks at her in admiration.
 
'''MERRY MAN'''
Oh, you little- - (shoots an arrow at
Fiona but she ducks out of the way)
The arrow flies toward Donkey who jumps into Shrek's arms to
get out of the way. The arrow proceeds to just bounce off a tree.
Another fight sequence begins and Fiona gives a karate yell and
then proceeds to beat the crap out of the Merry Men. There is
a very interesting 'Matrix' moment here when Fiona pauses in
mid-air to fix her hair. Finally all of the Merry Men are down,
and Fiona begins walking away.
'''FIONA'''
Uh, shall we?
 
'''SHREK'''
Hold the phone. (drops Donkey and begins
walking after Fiona) Oh! Whoa, whoa,
whoa. Hold on now. Where did that come
from?
'''FIONA'''
What?
 
'''SHREK'''
That! Back there. That was amazing!
Where did you learn that?
'''FIONA'''
Well...(laughs) when one lives alone,
uh, one has to learn these things in
case there's a...(gasps and points)
there's an arrow in your butt!
'''SHREK'''
What? (turns and looks) Oh, would you
look at that? (he goes to pull it out
but flinches because it's tender)
'''FIONA'''
Oh, no. This is all my fault. I'm so
sorry.
'''DONKEY'''
(walking up) Why? What's wrong?
 
'''FIONA'''
Shrek's hurt.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek's hurt. Shrek's hurt? Oh, no,
Shrek's gonna die.
'''SHREK'''
Donkey, I'm okay.
 
'''DONKEY'''
You can't do this to me, Shrek. I'm
too young for you to die. Keep you legs
elevated. Turn your head and cough.
Does anyone know the Heimlich?
'''FIONA'''
Donkey! Calm down. If you want to help
Shrek, run into the woods and find me
a blue flower with red thorns.
'''DONKEY'''
Blue flower, red thorns. Okay, I'm on
it. Blue flower, red thorns. Don't die
Shrek. If you see a long tunnel, stay
away from the light!
'''SHREK & FIONA'''
Donkey!
 
'''DONKEY'''
Oh, yeah. Right. Blue flower, red thorns.
(runs off)
'''SHREK'''
What are the flowers for?
 
'''FIONA'''
(like it's obvious) For getting rid
of Donkey.
'''SHREK'''
Ah.
 
'''FIONA'''
Now you hold still, and I'll yank this
thing out. (gives the arrow a little
pull)
'''SHREK'''
(jumps away) Ow! Hey! Easy with the
yankin'.
As they continue to talk Fiona keeps going after the arrow and
Shrek keeps dodging her hands.
'''FIONA'''
I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
'''SHREK'''
No, it's tender.
 
'''FIONA'''
Now, hold on.
 
'''SHREK'''
What you're doing is the opposite of
help.
'''FIONA'''
Don't move.
 
'''SHREK'''
Look, time out.
 
'''FIONA'''
Would you...(grunts as Shrek puts his
hand over her face to stop her from
getting at the arrow) Okay. What do
you propose we do?
'''ELSEWHERE'''
 
Donkey is still looking for the special flower.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower,
red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns.
This would be so much easier if I wasn't
color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns.
'''SHREK'''
(os) Ow!
 
'''DONKEY'''
Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! (rips a
flower off a nearby bush that just happens
to be a blue flower with red thorns)
'''THE FOREST PATH'''
 
'''SHREK'''
Ow! Not good.
 
'''FIONA'''
Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head.
(Shrek grunts as she pulls) It's just
about...
'''SHREK'''
Ow! Ohh! (he jerks and manages to fall
over with Fiona on top of him)
'''DONKEY'''
Ahem.
 
'''SHREK'''
(throwing Fiona off of him) Nothing
happend. We were just, uh - -
'''DONKEY'''
Look, if you wanted to be alone, all
you had to do was ask. Okay?
'''SHREK'''
Oh, come on! That's the last thing on
my mind. The princess here was just-
- (Fiona pulls the arrow out) Ugh! (he
turns to look at Fiona who holds up
the arrow with a smile) Ow!
'''DONKEY'''
Hey, what's that? (nervous chuckle)
That's...is that blood?
Donkey faints. Shrek walks over and picks him up as they continue
on their way.
There is a montage of scenes as the group heads back to DuLoc.
Shrek crawling up to the top of a tree to make it fall over a
small brook so that Fiona won't get wet. Shrek then gets up as
Donkey is just about to cross the tree and the tree swings back
into it's upright position and Donkey flies off. Shrek swatting
and a bunch of flies and mosquitoes. Fiona grabs a nearby spiderweb
that's on a tree branch and runs through the field swinging it
around to catch the bugs. She then hands it to Shrek who begins
eating like it's a treat. As he walks off she licks her fingers.
Shrek catching a toad and blowing it up like a balloon and presenting
it to Fiona. Fiona catching a snake, blowing it up, fashioning
it into a balloon animal and presenting it to Shrek. The group
arriving at a windmill that is near DuLoc.
'''WINDMILL'''
 
'''SHREK'''
There it is, Princess. Your future awaits
you.
'''FIONA'''
That's DuLoc?
 
'''DONKEY'''
Yeah, I know. You know, Shrek thinks
Lord Farquaad's compensating for something,
which I think means he has a really...(Shrek
steps on his hoof) Ow!
'''SHREK'''
Um, I, uh- - I guess we better move
on.
'''FIONA'''
Sure. But, Shrek? I'm - - I'm worried
about Donkey.
'''SHREK'''
What?
 
'''FIONA'''
I mean, look at him. He doesn't look
so good.
'''DONKEY'''
What are you talking about? I'm fine.
'''FIONA'''
(kneels to look him in the eyes) That's
what they always say, and then next
thing you know, you're on your back.
(pause) Dead.
'''SHREK'''
You know, she's right. You look awful.
Do you want to sit down?
'''FIONA'''
Uh, you know, I'll make you some tea.
'''DONKEY'''
I didn't want to say nothin', but I
got this twinge in my neck, and when
I turn my head like this, look, (turns
his neck in a very sharp way until his
head is completely sideways) Ow! See?
'''SHREK'''
Who's hungry? I'll find us some dinner.
'''FIONA'''
I'll get the firewood.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Hey, where you goin'? Oh, man, I can't
feel my toes! (looks down and yelps)
I don't have any toes! I think I need
a hug.
'''SUNSET'''
 
Shrek has built a fire and is cooking the rest of dinner while
Fiona eats.
'''FIONA'''
Mmm. This is good. This is really good.
What is this?
'''SHREK'''
Uh, weed rat. Rotisserie style.
 
'''FIONA'''
No kidding. Well, this is delicious.
'''SHREK'''
Well, they're also great in stews. Now,
I don't mean to brag, but I make a mean
weed rat stew. (chuckles)
Fiona looks at DuLoc and sighs.
 
'''FIONA'''
I guess I'll be dining a little differently
tomorrow night.
'''SHREK'''
Maybe you can come visit me in the swamp
sometime. I'll cook all kind of stuff
for you. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tartare
- - you name it.
'''FIONA'''
(smiles) I'd like that.
 
They smiles at each other.
 
'''SHREK'''
Um, Princess?
 
'''FIONA'''
Yes, Shrek?
 
'''SHREK'''
I, um, I was wondering...are you...(sighs)
Are you gonna eat that?
'''DONKEY'''
(chuckles) Man, isn't this romantic?
Just look at that sunset.
'''FIONA'''
(jumps up) Sunset? Oh, no! I mean, it's
late. I-It's very late.
'''SHREK'''
What?
 
'''DONKEY'''
Wait a minute. I see what's goin' on
here. You're afraid of the dark, aren't
you?
'''FIONA'''
Yes! Yes, that's it. I'm terrified.
You know, I'd better go inside.
'''DONKEY'''
Don't feel bad, Princess. I used to
be afraid of the dark, too, until -
- Hey, no, wait. I'm still afraid of
the dark.
Shrek sighs
 
'''FIONA'''
Good night.
 
'''SHREK'''
Good night.
 
Fiona goes inside the windmill and closes the door. Donkey looks
at Shrek with a new eye.
'''DONKEY'''
Ohh! Now I really see what's goin' on
here.
'''SHREK'''
Oh, what are you talkin' about?
 
'''DONKEY'''
I don't even wanna hear it. Look, I'm
an animal, and I got instincts. And
I know you two were diggin' on each
other. I could feel it.
'''SHREK'''
You're crazy. I'm just bringing her
back to Farquaad.
'''DONKEY'''
Oh, come on, Shrek. Wake up and smell
the pheromones. Just go on in and tell
her how you feel.
'''SHREK'''
I- - There's nothing to tell. Besides,
even if I did tell her that, well, you
know - - and I'm not sayin' I do 'cause
I don't - - she's a princess, and I'm
'''- -
DONKEY'''
An ogre?
 
'''SHREK'''
Yeah. An ogre.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Hey, where you goin'?
 
'''SHREK'''
To get... move firewood. (sighs)
 
Donkey looks over at the large pile of firewood there already
is.
'''TIME LAPSE'''
 
Donkey opens the door to the Windmill and walks in. Fiona is
nowhere to be seen.
'''DONKEY'''
Princess? Princess Fiona? Princess,
where are you? Princess?
Fiona looks at Donkey from the shadows, but we can't see her.
'''DONKEY'''
It's very spooky in here. I ain't playing
no games.
Suddenly Fiona falls from the railing. She gets up only she doesn't
look like herself. She looks like an ogre and Donkey starts freaking
out.
'''DONKEY'''
Aah!
 
'''FIONA'''
Oh, no!
 
'''DONKEY'''
No, help!
 
'''FIONA'''
Shh!
 
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
 
'''FIONA'''
No, it's okay. It's okay.
 
'''DONKEY'''
What did you do with the princess?
'''FIONA'''
Donkey, I'm the princess.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Aah!
 
'''FIONA'''
It's me, in this body.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Oh, my God! You ate the princess. (to
her stomach) Can you hear me?
'''FIONA'''
Donkey!
 
'''DONKEY'''
(still aimed at her stomach) Listen,
keep breathing! I'll get you out of
there!
'''FIONA'''
No!
 
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek! Shrek! Shrek!
 
'''FIONA'''
Shh.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek!
 
'''FIONA'''
This is me.
 
Donkey looks into her eyes as she pets his muzzle, and he quiets
down.
'''DONKEY'''
Princess? What happened to you? You're,
uh, uh, uh, different.
'''FIONA'''
I'm ugly, okay?
 
'''DONKEY'''
Well, yeah! Was it something you ate?
'Cause I told Shrek those rats was a
bad idea. You are what you eat, I said.
Now - -
'''FIONA'''
No. I - - I've been this way as long
as I can remember.
'''DONKEY'''
What do you mean? Look, I ain't never
seen you like this before.
'''FIONA'''
It only happens when sun goes down.
"By night one way, by day another. This
shall be the norm... until you find
true love's first kiss... and then take
love's true form."
'''DONKEY'''
Ah, that's beautiful. I didn't know
you wrote poetry.
'''FIONA'''
It's a spell. (sigh) When I was a little
girl, a witch cast a spell on me. Every
night I become this. This horrible,
ugly beast! I was placed in a tower
to await the day my true love would
rescue me. That's why I have to marry
Lord Farquaad tomorrow before the sun
sets and he sees me like this. (begins
to cry)
'''DONKEY'''
All right, all right. Calm down. Look,
it's not that bad. You're not that ugly.
Well, I ain't gonna lie. You are ugly.
But you only look like this at night.
Shrek's ugly 24-7.
'''FIONA'''
But Donkey, I'm a princess, and this
is not how a princess is meant to look.
'''DONKEY'''
Princess, how 'bout if you don't marry
Farquaad?
'''FIONA'''
I have to. Only my true love's kiss
can break the spell.
'''DONKEY'''
But, you know, um, you're kind of an
orge, and Shrek - - well, you got a
lot in common.
'''FIONA'''
Shrek?
 
'''OUTSIDE'''
 
Shrek is walking towards the windmill with a sunflower in his
hand.
'''SHREK'''
(to himself) Princess, I - - Uh, how's
it going, first of all? Good? Um, good
for me too. I'm okay. I saw this flower
and thought of you because it's pretty
and - - well, I don't really like it,
but I thought you might like it 'cause
you're pretty. But I like you anyway.
I'd - - uh, uh...(sighs) I'm in trouble.
Okay, here we go.
He walks up to the door and pauses outside when he hears Donkey
and Fiona talking.
'''FIONA'''
(os) I can't just marry whoever I want.
Take a good look at me, Donkey. I mean,
really, who can ever love a beast so
hideous and ugly? "Princess" and "ugly"
don't go together. That's why I can't
stay here with Shrek.
Shrek steps back in shock.
 
'''FIONA'''
(os) My only chance to live happily
ever after is to marry my true love.
Shrek heaves a deep sigh. He throws the flower down and walks
away.
'''INSIDE'''
 
'''FIONA'''
Don't you see, Donkey? That's just how
it has to be. It's the only way to break
the spell.
'''DONKEY'''
You at least gotta tell Shrek the truth.
'''FIONA'''
No! You can't breathe a word. No one
must ever know.
'''DONKEY'''
What's the point of being able to talk
if you gotta keep secrets?
'''FIONA'''
Promise you won't tell. Promise!
 
'''DONKEY'''
All right, all right. I won't tell him.
But you should. (goes outside) I just
know before this is over, I'm gonna
need a whole lot of serious therapy.
Look at my eye twitchin'.
Fiona comes out the door and watches him walk away. She looks
down and spots the sunflower. She picks it up before going back
inside the windmill.
'''MORNING'''
 
Donkey is asleep. Shrek is nowhere to be seen. Fiona is still
awake. She is plucking petals from the sunflower.
'''FIONA'''
I tell him, I tell him not. I tell him,
I tell him not. I tell him. (she quickly
runs to the door and goes outside) Shrek!
Shrek, there's something I want...(she
looks and sees the rising sun, and as
the sun crests the sky she turns back
into a human.)
Just as she looks back at the sun she sees Shrek stomping towards
her.
'''FIONA'''
Shrek. Are you all right?
 
'''SHREK'''
Perfect! Never been better.
 
'''FIONA'''
I - - I don't - - There's something
I have to tell you.
'''SHREK'''
You don't have to tell me anything,
Princess. I heard enough last night.
'''FIONA'''
You heard what I said?
 
'''SHREK'''
Every word.
 
'''FIONA'''
I thought you'd understand.
 
'''SHREK'''
Oh, I understand. Like you said, "Who
could love a hideous, ugly beast?"
'''FIONA'''
But I thought that wouldn't matter to
you.
'''SHREK'''
Yeah? Well, it does. (Fiona looks at
him in shock. He looks past her and
spots a group approaching.) Ah, right
on time. Princess, I've brought you
a little something.
Farquaad has arrived with a group of his men. He looks very regal
sitting up on his horse. You would never guess that he's only
like 3 feet tall. Donkey wakes up with a yawn as the soldiers
march by.
'''DONKEY'''
What'd I miss? What'd I miss? (spots
the soldiers) (muffled) Who said that?
Couldn't have been the donkey.
'''FARQUAAD'''
Princess Fiona.
 
'''SHREK'''
As promised. Now hand it over.
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
Very well, ogre. (holds out a piece
of paper) The deed to your swamp, cleared
out, as agreed. Take it and go before
I change my mind. (Shrek takes the paper)
Forgive me, Princess, for startling
you, but you startled me, for I have
never seen such a radiant beauty before.
I'm Lord Farquaad.
'''FIONA'''
Lord Farquaad? Oh, no, no. (Farquaad
snaps his fingers) Forgive me, my lord,
for I was just saying a short... (Watches
as Farquaad is lifted off his horse
and set down in front of her. He comes
to her waist.) farewell.
'''FARQUAAD'''
Oh, that is so sweet. You don't have
to waste good manners on the ogre. It's
not like it has feelings.
'''FIONA'''
No, you're right. It doesn't.
 
Donkey watches this exchange with a curious look on his face.
'''FARQUAAD'''
Princess Fiona, beautiful, fair, flawless
Fiona. I ask your hand in marriage.
Will you be the perfect bride for the
perfect groom?
'''FIONA'''
Lord Farquaad, I accept. Nothing would
make - -
'''FARQUAAD'''
(interrupting) Excellent! I'll start
the plans, for tomorrow we wed!
'''FIONA'''
No! I mean, uh, why wait? Let's get
married today before the sun sets.
'''FARQUAAD'''
Oh, anxious, are you? You're right.
The sooner, the better. There's so much
to do! There's the caterer, the cake,
the band, the guest list. Captain, round
up some guests! (a guard puts Fiona
on the back of his horse)
'''FIONA'''
Fare-thee-well, ogre.
 
Farquaad's whole party begins to head back to DuLoc. Donkey watches
them go.
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek, what are you doing? You're letting
her get away.
'''SHREK'''
Yeah? So what?
 
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek, there's something about her you
don't know. Look, I talked to her last
night, She's - -
'''SHREK'''
I know you talked to her last night.
You're great pals, aren't ya? Now, if
you two are such good friends, why don't
you follow her home?
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek, I - - I wanna go with you.
 
'''SHREK'''
I told you, didn't I? You're not coming
home with me. I live alone! My swamp!
Me! Nobody else! Understand? Nobody!
Especially useless, pathetic, annoying,
talking donkeys!
'''DONKEY'''
But I thought - -
 
'''SHREK'''
Yeah. You know what? You thought wrong!
(stomps off)
'''DONKEY'''
Shrek.
 
Montage of different scenes. Shrek arriving back home. Fiona
being fitted for the wedding dress. Donkey at a stream running
into the dragon. Shrek cleaning up his house. Fiona eating dinner
alone. Shrek eating dinner alone.
'''SHREK'S HOME'''
 
Shrek is eating dinner when he hears a sound outside. He goes
outside to investigate.
'''SHREK'''
Donkey? (Donkey ignores him and continues
with what he's doing.) What are you
doing?
'''DONKEY'''
I would think, of all people, you would
recognize a wall when you see one.
'''SHREK'''
Well, yeah. But the wall's supposed
to go around my swamp, not through it.
'''DONKEY'''
It is around your half. See that's your
half, and this is my half.
'''SHREK'''
Oh! Your half. Hmm.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Yes, my half. I helped rescue the princess.
I did half the work. I get half the
booty. Now hand me that big old rock,
the one that looks like your head.
'''SHREK'''
Back off!
 
'''DONKEY'''
No, you back off.
 
'''SHREK'''
This is my swamp!
 
'''DONKEY'''
Our swamp.
 
'''SHREK'''
(grabs the tree branch Donkey is working
with) Let go, Donkey!
'''DONKEY'''
You let go.
 
'''SHREK'''
Stubborn jackass!
 
'''DONKEY'''
Smelly ogre.
 
'''SHREK'''
Fine! (drops the tree branch and walks
away)
'''DONKEY'''
Hey, hey, come back here. I'm not through
with you yet.
'''SHREK'''
Well, I'm through with you.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Uh-uh. You know, with you it's always,
"Me, me, me!" Well, guess what! Now
it's my turn! So you just shut up and
pay attention! You are mean to me. You
insult me and you don't appreciate anything
that I do! You're always pushing me
around or pushing me away.
'''SHREK'''
Oh, yeah? Well, if I treated you so
bad, how come you came back?
'''DONKEY'''
Because that's what friends do! They
forgive each other!
'''SHREK'''
Oh, yeah. You're right, Donkey. I forgive
you... for stabbin' me in the back!
(goes into the outhouse and slams the
door)
'''DONKEY'''
Ohh! You're so wrapped up in layers,
onion boy, you're afraid of your own
feelings.
'''SHREK'''
(os) Go away!
 
'''DONKEY'''
There you are , doing it again just
like you did to Fiona. All she ever
do was like you, maybe even love you.
'''SHREK'''
(os) Love me? She said I was ugly, a
hideous creature. I heard the two of
you talking.
'''DONKEY'''
She wasn't talkin' about you. She was
talkin' about, uh, somebody else.
'''SHREK'''
(opens the door and comes out) She wasn't
talking about me? Well, then who was
she talking about?
'''DONKEY'''
Uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything.
You don't wanna listen to me. Right?
Right?
'''SHREK'''
Donkey!
 
'''DONKEY'''
No!
 
'''SHREK'''
Okay, look. I'm sorry, all right? (sigh)
I'm sorry. I guess I am just a big,
stupid, ugly ogre. Can you forgive me?
'''DONKEY'''
Hey, that's what friends are for, right?
'''SHREK'''
Right. Friends?
 
'''DONKEY'''
Friends.
 
'''SHREK'''
So, um, what did Fiona say about me?
'''DONKEY'''
What are you asking me for? Why don't
you just go ask her?
'''SHREK'''
The wedding! We'll never make it in
time.
'''DONKEY'''
Ha-ha-ha! Never fear, for where, there's
a will, there's a way and I have a way.
(whistles)
Suddenly the dragon arrives overhead and flies low enough so
they can climb on.
'''SHREK'''
Donkey?
 
'''DONKEY'''
I guess it's just my animal magnetism.
They both laugh.
 
'''SHREK'''
Aw, come here, you. (gives Donkey a
noogie)
'''DONKEY'''
All right, all right. Don't get all
slobbery. No one likes a kiss ass. All
right, hop on and hold on tight. I haven't
had a chance to install the seat belts
yet.
They climb aboard the dragon and she takes off for DuLoc.
 
'''DULOC - CHURCH'''
 
Fiona and Farquaad are getting married. The whole town is there.
The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Revered Silence'.
'''PRIEST'''
People of DuLoc, we gather here today
to bear witness to the union....
'''FIONA'''
(eyeing the setting sun) Um-
 
'''PRIEST'''
...of our new king...
 
'''FIONA'''
Excuse me. Could we just skip ahead
to the "I do's"?
'''FARQUAAD'''
(chuckles and then motions to the priest
to indulge Fiona) Go on.
'''COURTYARD'''
 
Some guards are milling around. Suddenly the dragon lands with
a boom. The guards all take off running.
'''DONKEY'''
(to Dragon) Go ahead, HAVE SOME FUN.
If we need you, I'll whistle. How about
that? (she nods and goes after the guards)
Shrek, wait, wait! Wait a minute! You
wanna do this right, don't you?
'''SHREK'''
(at the Church door) What are you talking
about?
'''DONKEY'''
There's a line you gotta wait for. The
preacher's gonna say, "Speak now or
forever hold your peace." That's when
you say, "I object!"
'''SHREK'''
I don't have time for this!
 
'''DONKEY'''
Hey, wait. What are you doing? Listen
to me! Look, you love this woman, don't
you?
'''SHREK'''
Yes.
 
'''DONKEY'''
You wanna hold her?
 
'''SHREK'''
Yes.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Please her?
 
'''SHREK'''
Yes!
 
'''DONKEY'''
(singing James Brown style) Then you
got to, got to try a little tenderness.
(normal) The chicks love that romantic
crap!
'''SHREK'''
All right! Cut it out. When does this
guy say the line?
'''DONKEY'''
We gotta check it out.
 
'''INSIDE CHURCH'''
 
As the priest talks we see Donkey's shadow through one of the
windows Shrek tosses him up so he can see.
'''PRIEST'''
And so, by the power vested in me...
Outside
 
'''SHREK'''
What do you see?
 
'''DONKEY'''
The whole town's in there.
 
Inside
 
'''PRIEST'''
I now pronounce you husband and wife...
Outside
 
'''DONKEY'''
They're at the altar.
 
Inside
 
'''PRIEST'''
...king and queen.
 
Outside
 
'''DONKEY'''
Mother Fletcher! He already said it.
'''SHREK'''
Oh, for the love of Pete!
 
He runs inside without catching Donkey, who hits the ground hard.
'''INSIDE CHURCH'''
 
'''SHREK'''
(running toward the alter) I object!
'''FIONA'''
Shrek?
 
The whole congregation gasps as they see Shrek.
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
Oh, now what does he want?
 
'''SHREK'''
(to congregation as he reaches the front
of the Church) Hi, everyone. Havin'
a good time, are ya? I love DuLoc, first
of all. Very clean.
'''FIONA'''
What are you doing here?
 
'''SHREK'''
Really, it's rude enough being alive
when no one wants you, but showing up
uninvited to a wedding...
'''SHREK'''
Fiona! I need to talk to you.
 
'''FIONA'''
Oh, now you wanna talk? It's a little
late for that, so if you'll excuse me
'''- -
SHREK'''
But you can't marry him.
 
'''FIONA'''
And why not?
 
'''SHREK'''
Because- - Because he's just marring
you so he can be king.
'''FARQUAAD'''
Outrageous! Fiona, don't listen to him.
'''SHREK'''
He's not your true love.
 
'''FIONA'''
And what do you know about true love?
'''SHREK'''
Well, I - - Uh - - I mean - -
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
Oh, this is precious. The ogee has fallen
in love with the princess! Oh, good
Lord. (laughs)
The prompter card guy holds up a card that says 'Laugh'. The
whole congregation laughs.
'''FARQUAAD'''
An ogre and a princess!
 
'''FIONA'''
Shrek, is this true?
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
Who cares? It's preposterous! Fiona,
my love, we're but a kiss away from
our "happily ever after." Now kiss me!
(puckers his lips and leans toward her,
but she pulls back.)
'''FIONA'''
(looking at the setting sun) "By night
one way, by day another." (to Shrek)
I wanted to show you before.
She backs up and as the sun sets she changes into her ogre self.
She gives Shrek a sheepish smile.
'''SHREK'''
Well, uh, that explains a lot. (Fiona
smiles)
'''FARQUAAD'''
Ugh! It's disgusting! Guards! Guards!
I order you to get that out of my sight
now! Get them! Get them both!
The guards run in and separate Fiona and Shrek. Shrek fights
them.
'''SHREK'''
No, no!
 
'''FIONA'''
Shrek!
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
This hocus-pocus alters nothing. This
marriage is binding, and that makes
me king! See? See?
'''FIONA'''
No, let go of me! Shrek!
 
'''SHREK'''
No!
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
Don't just stand there, you morons.
'''SHREK'''
Get out of my way! Fiona! Arrgh!
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
I'll make you regret the day we met.
I'll see you drawn and quartered! You'll
beg for death to save you!
'''FIONA'''
No, Shrek!
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
(hold a dagger to Fiona's throat) And
as for you, my wife...
'''SHREK'''
Fiona!
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
I'll have you locked back in that tower
for the rest of your days! I'm king!
Shrek manages to get a hand free and he whistles.
 
'''FARQUAAD'''
I will have order! I will have perfection!
I will have - - (Donkey and the dragon
show up and the dragon leans down and
eats Farquaad) Aaaah! Aah!
'''DONKEY'''
All right. Nobody move. I got a dragon
here, and I'm not afraid to use it.
(The dragon roars.) I'm a donkey on
the edge!
The dragon belches and Farquaad's crown flies out of her mouth
and falls to the ground.
'''DONKEY'''
Celebrity marriages. They never last,
do they?
The congregation cheers.
 
'''DONKEY'''
Go ahead, Shrek.
 
'''SHREK'''
Uh, Fiona?
 
'''FIONA'''
Yes, Shrek?
 
'''SHREK'''
I - - I love you.
 
'''FIONA'''
Really?
 
'''SHREK'''
Really, really.
 
'''FIONA'''
(smiles) I love you too.
 
Shrek and Fiona kiss. Thelonius takes one of the cards and writes
'Awwww' on the back and then shows it to the congregation.
'''CONGREGATION'''
Aawww!
 
Suddenly the magic of the spell pulls Fiona away. She's lifted
up into the air and she hovers there while the magic works around
her.
'''WHISPERS'''
"Until you find true love's first kiss
and then take love's true form. Take
love's true form. Take love's true form."
Suddenly Fiona's eyes open wide. She's consumed by the spell
and then is slowly lowered to the ground.
'''SHREK'''
(going over to her) Fiona? Fiona. Are
you all right?
'''FIONA'''
(standing up, she's still an ogre) Well,
yes. But I don't understand. I'm supposed
to be beautiful.
'''SHREK'''
But you ARE beautiful.
 
They smile at each other.
 
'''DONKEY'''
(chuckles) I was hoping this would be
a happy ending.
Shrek and Fiona kiss...and the kiss fades into...
 
'''THE SWAMP'''
 
...their wedding kiss. Shrek and Fiona are now married. 'I'm
a Believer' by Smashmouth is played in the background. Shrek
and Fiona break apart and run through the crowd to their awaiting
carriage. Which is made of a giant onion. Fiona tosses her bouquet
which both Cinderella and Snow White try to catch. But they end
up getting into a cat fight and so the dragon catches the bouquet
instead. The Gingerbread man has been mended somewhat and now
has one leg and walks with a candy cane cane. Shrek and Fiona
walk off as the rest of the guests party and Donkey takes over
singing the song.
'''GINGERBREAD MAN'''
God bless us, every one.
 
'''DONKEY'''
(as he's done singing and we fade to
black) Oh, that's funny. Oh. Oh. I can't
breathe. I can't breathe.
'''THE END'''
 
Med zdravljenjem v Aix-les-bains je leta 1832 spoznal [[Olympe Pélissier]], s katero je živel po ločitvi od Isabelle Colbran. Po smrti prve žene se je z njo leta 1845 tudi poročil. Postal je borzijanec in živel od trgovskih špekulacij. Nekaj let je preživel v Milanu, kjer so ga obiskovali različni tedaj znani umetniki. Leta 1840 je, kljub krizam [[Depresija|depresije]], prevzel vodenje bolonjskega ''Licea Musicale''. Po nekaj letih je odšel za sedem let v Firence, leta 1855 pa ponovno v Pariz. Tudi tukaj je v svojem salonu sprejemal znane umetnike, ministre, vladarje in finančnike. Gledališča sploh ni več obiskoval, večinoma je bil doma in prirejal vsako soboto družabne večere s koncertom in imenitno večerjo. V tem času je napisal ''Malo slavnostno mašo'', imenovano tudi »prva salonska maša«. Bila je zelo izvirna z zvočnimi efekti in zelo moderna, saj je združevala ravnovesje med pobožnostjo in modernostjo.
 
Zadnja leta je bil bolehen, silno nervozen in vraževeren. Bal se je smrti, petka in številke 13. Leta 1868 se je skladateljevo zdravje poslabšalo, 13. novembra 1868 je umrl v svoji hiši v Passyju v Parizu.
 
=== Kuharsko mojstrstvo ===
[[Slika:Tournedos Rossini.jpg|thumb|150px|Rossinijevi turnedoji]]
Ko je živel v Parizu od leta [[1855]] do smrti, je k sebi je vabil elito tedanjih umetnikov in jim stregel kot mojstrski [[kuhar]] s kreacijami svoje izvrstne kuhinje. Je avtor več kot ''1000'' kuharskih receptov, njegova najbolj znana jed se danes imenuje ''tournedos Rossini'' (Rossinijevi turnedoji).
 
== Opere (izbor) ==
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